ok, please disreguardthat last post. i was having a REALLY bad day.
every thing seemed to fall though at once, you know?
i'm am not a self loathing emo cutter, just having "one of those days"
sorry. :-3
8.08.2008
8.06.2008
what depth?
i have acepted mediocrety.
i a have become a teen age girl. the every thing i despise, so shallow, so useless. i'm slowly losing every thing i hold dear. growing further and further away from the things by which i define my self.
my plans are ruined. but the fate of flipping burgurs for a liveing no longer frightens me, i have acepted mediocraty.
my friends are distant. the only person i see consistantly is ADD mike who wants to be a mercenary when he grows up.
i'm lossing my self. i am shallow and useless and woth nothing.
it would seem that even God has overlooked me. i dare not compare myself with Job. he's trials we real. mine are miniscule, yet still i crumble benieth them. i am a paper cut who shrivels into a whole puncha after a feather has been droped on it.
i dont belong any where.
ther have only ever been two people i have really..... some thing.
and now my two people, the people that i look at and think that.... something...
are growing far apart from me. they nolonger need or, as i am beginning to suspect, will want me in times to come.
my friendship has been dear to them both, but i fear that they have the ablitity to move forward. make new freinds.
i dont belong with the people close to me.
i didn't get into the school i wanted because i have no luck, apparenly.being the liberal facists they are, the district made the system of choosing who will get a good education and who will end up in schools like verDRUG oh, complteltly luck of the draw. and i have no luck. but still in the back of my mind there is this small burning hope that i'll make it off the waiting list and into some place that i can learn from intelegent people, instead of where i am now. so i have avoided making friends. and attachments. and made my self as unhappy as i could be in verdrg oh so that no matter where i went, as long as it want there, i would be happy.
but i wont go any where else. i'll be stuck there, for at least a year and by the time i'm done serving my sentance in hell, my friends will be aquantaces, and i will still belong no where.
so how shallow i am? my bigest consern in life is ME. my education. fitting in with MY firends.
"fitting in"!!!!!
I dont fit in! I dont need to fit in! i'm stronger than fitting in! only the weak people wory about fitting in. only weak people worry about having friends! onyl weak people NEED other people to lean against because they are to WEAK to hold them selves up!
i am weak. so conserned with my own world....
but.... i'm strong, aren't i?
but i'm not. not really. i'm jelouse. i'm shallow and petty and weak and worthless and useless and every thin else i look down upon. every thing else i despise. i am now. and it's all my fault.
i have been presented with chalenges, and i have failed and lost my footing and fallen and am unable to climb back up.
i cant even see the coulds any more, muchless hope for a silver lining.
i am discusting.
i a have become a teen age girl. the every thing i despise, so shallow, so useless. i'm slowly losing every thing i hold dear. growing further and further away from the things by which i define my self.
my plans are ruined. but the fate of flipping burgurs for a liveing no longer frightens me, i have acepted mediocraty.
my friends are distant. the only person i see consistantly is ADD mike who wants to be a mercenary when he grows up.
i'm lossing my self. i am shallow and useless and woth nothing.
it would seem that even God has overlooked me. i dare not compare myself with Job. he's trials we real. mine are miniscule, yet still i crumble benieth them. i am a paper cut who shrivels into a whole puncha after a feather has been droped on it.
i dont belong any where.
ther have only ever been two people i have really..... some thing.
and now my two people, the people that i look at and think that.... something...
are growing far apart from me. they nolonger need or, as i am beginning to suspect, will want me in times to come.
my friendship has been dear to them both, but i fear that they have the ablitity to move forward. make new freinds.
i dont belong with the people close to me.
i didn't get into the school i wanted because i have no luck, apparenly.being the liberal facists they are, the district made the system of choosing who will get a good education and who will end up in schools like verDRUG oh, complteltly luck of the draw. and i have no luck. but still in the back of my mind there is this small burning hope that i'll make it off the waiting list and into some place that i can learn from intelegent people, instead of where i am now. so i have avoided making friends. and attachments. and made my self as unhappy as i could be in verdrg oh so that no matter where i went, as long as it want there, i would be happy.
but i wont go any where else. i'll be stuck there, for at least a year and by the time i'm done serving my sentance in hell, my friends will be aquantaces, and i will still belong no where.
so how shallow i am? my bigest consern in life is ME. my education. fitting in with MY firends.
"fitting in"!!!!!
I dont fit in! I dont need to fit in! i'm stronger than fitting in! only the weak people wory about fitting in. only weak people worry about having friends! onyl weak people NEED other people to lean against because they are to WEAK to hold them selves up!
i am weak. so conserned with my own world....
but.... i'm strong, aren't i?
but i'm not. not really. i'm jelouse. i'm shallow and petty and weak and worthless and useless and every thin else i look down upon. every thing else i despise. i am now. and it's all my fault.
i have been presented with chalenges, and i have failed and lost my footing and fallen and am unable to climb back up.
i cant even see the coulds any more, muchless hope for a silver lining.
i am discusting.
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