ugh.

so i have tis friend, i'll call him larry. thats not his real name. he's a good friend, sorta. i mean he kinda gets me and he's like theonly person i talk to at school but he... i'm kinda board. is that wrong? i dont like him and he like me though he claims not to yet he still wants to go out with me. he's nice but... icky. wow back in kindtergarden. i mean.. he's a touchy feely(not liek that) churchy type that trys to save every one from their selves. which is getting old. i kinda dont want to be his friend any more, but i do really care about him as a friend and a person so i'm scared that if i try to distance my self from him he will get hurt which i really dont want since he is really a nice guy... just a little annoying. and i fell bad for trting to get away from him but every one thinks we're dating, which we aren't but sine every one thinks that because he hangs around me all the time when every i try talking to other guys they give me looks like well, like i was cheating on my boyfriend, which i'm not! because i dont have one! grah!
i find my self missing last year. being in love with "him" back when love was jsut whatching him across the cafeteria and getting a hug every day. it's not that i miss him, but i miss the intensity of the feeling tward him and the singularity of my mind.
all i would think about was him, he was my every thing but now there's no one i can obsess about. my mind is just empty, i have no immidiate goals. i need a focus. and now i jsut have larry, and i dont want him.
oh and his parents! larry is depress and on meds for it. i dont think he is at all i think his parents are micro managing psycodic people. he and i talk alot over text messageing, and we were tlaking last night and i start to notice that larry isn't acting like him self in our conversation. yep, he partens had taken the phone and were using it to find out about me becasue they think i sell drugs. because yeah, i really seem stupid enough to do drugs. they're really observant too.
doint that is just appauling to me. they have no reason to think ill of me and not trust me. it was cowardly and weasly. i am a good person and for them to automaticly assume that they only way they could get an honest answer from me was to pretend to be him was very insulting. theyr'e hypocrits too, lying inorder to get an honest answer! they had better hope that they dont meet me in a dark ally. and after all i have done for their son. i'm like his only friend and since we started hanging out he's been getting better grades, swearing less and becomming a better person. i am throughlydiscusted with these people. this whole thing jsut make me so mad and uncomforable.
i am so happy that i'm leaving next year, if only to leave the people.
but then where ever i go, i'll be starting behind every one because the stupid shcool i'm now doesn't believe in encouaging people to strive to be better than they are or try to succseed at any thing, so all the coarses we take are like a year behind all the other school and they all the classes i took last year. i'm looking into two different school right now. if i go to school A i'm goint to try to work it out with my couseler so that i can take the math class i was supposed to take this year in the morning and the science class i was supposed to take this year after school. if i can swingthat i'll have 8 classes every day, with 2 of them being math and 2 of them being science. plus i want to take atleast 2 AP coarses! it will kill me but at least i wont have to go to summer school. at the other school i can take a morning class but other than that i wont beable to catch up to the other honors students for acouple of years.
and all this because the school i'm at now dosesn't want to hurt the stupid kid feeling by offer coarses they wont be able to handle. i am so sick and tred of every thing being brought down to the stupid people level because the governement and people in charge are afraid of lowing their self esteem! what aboutthe rest of us who CAN count to 10!? we're forced to take classes we dont need or have already taken! who cares about us!? oh well, bakc to sitting anygrily infront of this screen.