what?

isn't hat just such a simple question? "what?" but behind those 4 letters can hide so much. for example: at one of the school my mom works a first graders dad killed the kids mom and grandmother in the street then jumped off a bridge. now think about that. when some one came into the class to tell this kid that his inocent 6 year old world had just ended quickly and violently they might have called his name. he could have said "what?" iv'e been thinking. thinking a lot and God thank you. thank you so much for i am so lucky. i have two parents who love me and a sister whos alive and not into drugs and for all i know has neer kissed a guy and she'll be shipped off to a military acadimy next year. i dont know lost. not big loss. my grandparents are dead but i was to litte to get it. get that they would not come back. and i think i still am.
we do all we can to avoid death. it's the only thing we humans cannot understand fully. for every thing there is a justification. numbers words something to explane it. but not death. theres no equasion to show what comes next. and for people like me where every thing is a puzzle that can be solved in time that's infuriateing. yeah i fear death. i'm a coward that way. but i fear other things more than death. what bothers me more though is kids with terminal cancer or something that might be afraid or not of death but are so strong. so strong, and that just boggles my mind. they are losing evey thing and yet they are stong.
i've known little lose or plain fear for that matter. my grandparents and my old cat frank. vright now i think i view death like an animal. in truth animals don't mourn death. they notice the decieceds absence and might feel lonly for a while but they soon recover from it. i'm like that. i cried little for my cat one he was dead, but more while he suffered. more to come on this.