i hate reality.

hornestly there's nothing good about it. i'm really happy to just live in my own little dream world and just so "blechth" to any thing and every thing else.
and i do.... mostly, but every once in a while i'll be drawn out in the thick green hazy grotesque light of the real world, and, like a vampire in light i burn(depenting on what books you read of corse, be assure i do not get sparkly). books catch me off guard, and wrom little remnances of the real world into my mind before i can stop them. the Chololate war for example.
(dont read it!) and now this book that i've been really enjoying has suddenly taken a turn for the worse and joined the dark side- bringing a sick and perverted side to a character that i really enjoyed.
the character is on a quest to find his friend. in what i just read it was revield that this mans freid, who was also a man, was more than a freind. to be hornest i could careless who you like in comparison to your gender, but learning this about this character made me squirm. i felt betrayed. and dirty.
and again my books tie into my life.
he admitted that he's bi in confidence to my friend, who ofcoarse told me. there's always been the suspition that he was, but now, to have it just thorown up in my face..... i dont know what i should... feel. my mind and body are once again pulled apart. one still feels the thrill of joy when i remember that he complimented my shirt to day, and then the other reminds my what he is. i dont know if the SHOULD bothre me. i dont know what to feel. help/